To Have and Have Not
by LeSass
Summary: Sequel to 'Taming Hemingway.' As Rory and Jess enter into new emotional territory, they must navigate what it means to have a functional relationship when things get hard and the distance between them mounts. (Rating may change.)
1. Chapter 1

**Well, here it is. You all can sincerely thank my beta Liza and faithful reviewer siss7 for lovingly convincing (read: aggressively pressuring) me to try to write a sequel to Taming Hemingway. Teehee. I kid. Sort've!**

 **Some things! We are four months after the epilogue of Taming Hemingway. If you're new, you don't 100% have to have read it to follow, but it will help in the future chapters. Different writing tense, texting is a thing because I said so, and while we will view general canon, it won't be linear. I have the entire story mapped out, but it's gonna be a while to write it. I'm taking my time with this so I don't have my post-TH "omg did I rush it?" again. I hope you enjoy it :) Please review and let me know your thoughts. I'm hoping to have another chapter up next week.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own ideas.**

* * *

Rory chewed on her lip nervously, staring out the window at the mailbox. She checked her watch and frowned to see that she had not, in fact, melded time with her mind. The little hands were ticking away slowly. She could feel an eye twitch coming on.

Why hadn't she heard back from Harvard yet? Yale? Princeton? At the very least, she thought she'd have heard from NYU by now (and _that_ was her low bar school). Rory rolled her eyes at how pretentious her impatient subconscious was becoming in her heightened state of acceptance-letter-induced-anxiety.

She turned around again and rested her chin miserably on the back of the couch, willing the mail person to stride up to her yard and deposit her future into its small, grey mailbox.

An invasive buzz from her cell phone interrupted Rory's pity party, earning the device her infamous withering stare. She reluctantly reached across the couch to grab the offending object, immediately perking up when she saw the name on the screen.

'So? Are we college-bound yet?'

Rory frowned and began to type out a response before deciding that it would take her attention away from the window. She pressed the call button instead, cradling her cell phone in her ear and resuming her perch.

"Hello?"

"Why isn't the mail here yet?" She demanded into the phone, blowing out a deep sigh.

"Beats me. Why isn't there an arcade in Stars Hollow yet?"

"It was vetoed by Taylor four years ago."

"Of course it was."

"Jess," Rory whined.

"Rory," he mimicked.

"Why isn't it here? It's after 11 o'clock on a Saturday. What else does this mail person have to be

doing at 11 o'clock on a Saturday?" Rory demanded, drumming her fingers impatiently against the back of the couch.

" _Some_ people sleep. You ever heard of it?"

"Some people can sleep when they're dead and not supposed to bring me the physical representations of my future," she mumbled. The smallest of chuckles answered her, and she furrowed her eyebrows in a glare. "It's not funny, Jess."

"It _is_ funny," he disagreed. "You-" Rory adjusted the phone, hearing a small crackle of static over the line, obscuring whatever Jess had said next.

"Jess, what did you say?"

Her doorbell rang then, and she snapped her head to the left, eying it suspiciously. Would the mail person ring her doorbell? Probably not. This only, then, could be a plot to divert her attention from the mailbox and thus miss out on the expected delivery.

 _Okay, Rory, you've officially cracked._

Rory jumped up from the couch, looking at her phone with distaste as the crackling continued. She timidly opened the door and immediately broke out into a smile, seeing Jess with his cell phone propped up by his ear.

"I said," he smirked, lowering the phone to shove in his pocket. "You look like you were staging a coup."

Rory glared at his insinuation before tucking her cell phone into her back pocket and grabbing him boldly by the collar of his short-sleeved button down. He smirked again, snaking his arms around her waist, and dipped his head to capture her lips with his. Rory reciprocated with a smile before stepping back to look at him.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?" She asked, playing with the fabric of his shirt.

"Lorelai's gone for the weekend, isn't she?" He offered casually, making a show of looking around for her.

"She might be," Rory acknowledged, trying to match his nonchalance. (And really, it was a valiant effort, because her stomach was doing somersaults. This was the first weekend that Rory was alone while dating Jess; between that tension and the anxiety over college, Rory was less than nonchalant. She couldn't even remember what acting casual meant at this point.)

"Huh," was all he said, using his foot to close the door behind him. He then wrapped his arm back around Rory's waist, pulling her in to close the distance between their bodies again. Rory felt herself melt into him as he started to trail light kisses along her neck, making his way up to the spot behind her ear.

 _I mean, who needs to get into Harvard_ , her subconscious tried, _when you could just spend your time like this?_

 _Harvard_. Rory pulled away suddenly, looking desperately at the living room. Score one for responsibility, none for hormones.

Jess pouted, clearly dismayed at the break of contact. He'd been giving her some prime neck action. Rory ignored him and, smiling apologetically, scooted past him for the couch. He rolled his eyes, wondering if it took stamping an Ivy League emblem on his forehead to secure Rory's attention. She'd been nothing short of a basketcase the last two weeks.

Instead of sitting next to his girlfriend, who had her stomach pressed against the back of the couch to look outside, he leaned over her, placing his hands on either side of her.

"You sure you're not planning an attack?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"I just want to know, Jess," she insisted quietly, the mildest of agitation in her voice. He let out the lightest of chuckles before bringing his lips down to kiss the top of her head. Rory tipped her head up to smile at him before her eyes darted back to the window.

"It's just Babette," Jess informed her, noticing the movement outside, too. At hearing a sigh bigger than her whole body let loose, Jess shook his head. Rory was too worked up about this.

"Hey."

The gentleness in his voice intrigued her enough to turn away from the window, moving her body to face his. Pink crept into her cheeks at how close he was (which seemed absurd, seeing as how they were regularly making out now that they'd been dating for several months), noticing the butterflies jump into her throat at the softness in his expression.

"You're going to get in, Rory," he told her firmly. "To wherever you want. You're the smartest person I know."

Rory tried to respond, feeling genuinely touched, but the stupid butterflies were choking her vocal chords. Instead she leaned forward, pressing a small kiss against Jess's lips.

"Thanks," she finally breathed, smiling. He offered her one of his rare, small smiles, and the butterflies shot back up. She loved this part of Jess - the vulnerable, sensitive side that only reared its head once in a full moon ( _Kind of like a werewolf_ , she thought absently). Jess erred on the side of _showing_ her how he felt about her, so whenever he verbalized something, it felt like a gift.

Before he could offer her a reply, Jess's eyes broke contact and darted above her head. Inhaling sharply, Rory whipped around, nearly banging her head into his chin. Her eyes widened as she watched the mail person flip the arrow up on her mailbox and walk away.

"Is that - are they - what if-" Rory stuttered out. She turned back and looked up at him again, pointing at the window. Jess raised an amused eyebrow. Rory was cute when she was flustered (which, admittedly, was more often than not ever since she'd submitted early admission for college). Frowning, Rory realized Jess would be no help. Words, what were words? Rory was certain she knew how to construct a sentence, and what's more, knew her vocabulary even extended beyond monosyllabic interjections.

"What if that's them?" She finally asked.

"Shouldn't you call Lorelai? Find out together? … What?" Jess asked, noting the look of absolute horror on her face.

"My mom isn't here."

"That's been established."

"My mom isn't _here_ ,Jess! This has been our dream. I can't _call_ her. She has to _be_ here. I didn't even think about that. I can't believe she left me when she knew this could be the week of acceptances. Or worse, rejections." Rory was full blown panicking now.

"Rory, you don't even know if the letters have come. She-"

"This means I can't check the mail. I've dedicated six _hours_ to checking the mail. That's six hours I don't get back, Jess," she continued, cutting him off. He side stepped just in time for her to shoot up and begin pacing around the room.

"What if they're all in there, just waiting, and the time that elapses between my mom being here and me checking the mail changes the decisions? Who needs this girl, she doesn't deserve to go to Harvard, she doesn't even know how to open an envelope in a timely matter."

Jess watched with amusement and the mildest of horror as she rambled, throwing her hands up for emphasis every few words or so. Jess had gotten used to the patented Gilmore Rant, and he knew there was little he could do to quell the rampage. Still, Jess was nothing if not stubborn.

"Rory, calm down," he groaned, grabbing her arm to stop the flailing. "You're not even making sense."

"I can't calm down!" she countered, crossing her arms tightly against her chest. He rolled his eyes and reached behind her, grabbing her cell phone out of her back pocket. Rory blushed furiously at the contact, though Jess seemed completely unperturbed.

"Call her. Lorelai will come," he said sternly, dangling the phone in front of her eyes. Rory vaguely wondered why Jess had gone for the cell phone and not the house phone, but felt silly. He was a teenaged boy, after all.

"But I don't even know if-"

"Call," Jess said dryly, plopping himself on the couch. Rory bit her lip and looked at him, mulling over the command. She didn't want to interrupt her mom's weekend with Emily, but then again, maybe her mom would appreciate the distraction. Looking unsurely at Jess again, he rolled his eyes at her, snickering. He gently used his foot to nudge her calf away from him.

"Call," he repeated, offering her a smile. Rory relented and walked into the kitchen, dialing Lorelai.

Jess cocked his head, watching Rory talk animatedly to Lorelai on the phone. He shook his head, taking a peek out of the window.

He wouldn't admit it to Rory, but he was having incredibly mixed feelings about her infatuation with Harvard. Sure he was excited that she was excited, but the idea of her leaving him… well, if he was being honest (and he rarely was when it came to his feelings), it triggered him a little. The kid who'd never relied on anyone and had earned himself a life degree in Damage Control had let down his defenses for the bursting, blue-eyed girl in the kitchen. She'd been the only sure and consistent thing in his life next to Luke for the better part of the last nine months. They'd only been dating officially since late December, but he was pretty smitten. The idea of her potentially moving nearly 90 miles away while he was stuck in Stars Hollow sucked.

 _If I even stay here_ , he considered. Having been consistent with the anger management groups, his debt to pay had been bumped up to end at the end of this month. As such, Jess's grades had transferred smoothly from his last high school, much to the chagrin of his arch nemesis Principal Jeffries. Without the obligation of those classes and Stars Hollow High, there was nothing keeping him there. Especially not if Rory left. It wasn't like he'd planned on applying to college.

But these were still just lingering thoughts in the back of his head, none of which he was willing to share with anyone, least of all Luke and Rory.

"Jess!" A call from the kitchen interrupted his thoughts, and Jess pushed himself off of the couch, strolling lazily into the other room.

"You beckoned?"

"Mom and I have a solution," Rory explained, cradling the phone in the crook of her neck. The look on her face told him that he was getting rooked into something. Seeing the lack of enthusiasm on his face, she shifted, moving the phone to her other side.

"Well, you see, as you even pointed out earlier, we don't know if the letters have officially come."

"Mhm."

"And, if we don't know whether the letters have come, we don't know if mom needs to make a hasty exit to come check."

Yep, definitely getting rooked into something.

"And," Rory continued, "I was wondering if maybe you'd be willing to go check the mail, see if there's anything in there worth warranting said hasty exit, that way we can avoid the wrath of Grandma _and_ save my sanity. Because then I know the mail won't come until Monday."

Jess stared at Rory blankly.

'Give him your withering stare!' came the heckle on the other end of the phone, loud enough for Jess to hear. He rolled his eyes.

"And what do I say, exactly?" He clarified, shoving his hands in his pockets. He held back a sigh, thinking back to his internal dialogue just a moment before. He felt awkward, like he really shouldn't be a part of this.

"U-what did you say?" Rory asked. The look of surprise at his ready agreement clearly shocked her, amusing him.

"Yeah. If I check the mail and they're there, what do you want me to do?"

Rory blinked. "We didn't get that far. We weren't expecting you to agree."

"Gee, thanks," he remarked sarcastically. Beat. "Hey, I didn't officially agree."

Rory cocked her head, listening to whatever Lorelai was saying in the background. Rory made some agreeable noises before hanging up the phone and strolling up to Jess, pressing her lips firmly against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Please?" She asked, blinking at him beneath thick eyelashes. Jess narrowed his eyes, skeptical of her motives.

"You know, you can't just kiss me every time you want good behavior," he commented, leaning back. "I'm not a dog."

"Please?" she repeated, adding her signature pout. Jess tried to give her a stern face but crumbled under the (annoyingly) adorable look on her face. He sighed, relenting, and Rory giggled, hugging him more tightly. It wasn't just that Rory wanted Jess to do what she was too cowardly to do for herself; she really did want him a part of this process. Harvard had been the dream for as long as she could remember, but it wasn't just about her and Lorelai anymore. Jess had become a significant factor into the decision-making process, whether she'd told anyone else about it or not.

"You owe me," he informed her, pointing an accusatory finger, pulling away from the embrace to tackle the mailbox fiasco.

"Fine, whatever you want," Rory said dismissively, waving her hand. She was hot on his heels as he took the few steps to the foyer, opening the front door. Adopting a wicked grin, Jess looked over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow at Rory. His grin sent shivers running up and down her spine, letting loose the butterflies to wreak havoc on her stomach and the goose bumps to raise armies along her forearms.

"What _ever_ I want?" He asked huskily, his eyes looking her over. Rory flushed and shoved him out of the door.

"Go!" She directed, keeping her head pointed down so he couldn't see that his girlfriend had turned into a tomato. _So this is what Violet felt like_ , she thinks to herself, willing the red in her cheeks to disappear. She crossed her arms and watched him walk down the porch steps, smirking. _Oh, he's so pleased with himself_. Involuntarily, she started biting her nails as he got closer to the mailbox.

Jess looked over his shoulder, sighed, and looked at the offending mailbox.

He stopped in front of it.

"I really hope you have good news in you," he told it quietly. God, he needed to get out of this town. Talking to inanimate objects was a Gilmore thing, not a Mariano thing.

"Hurry up!" Jess turned around as a pillow from the outside couch came hurling at him. He caught it effortlessly and glared.

"Despot," he countered. Turning back to the mailbox he sighed and reached over, opening the door. He peered inside.

Rory watched his facial expressions with great disappointment. Jess was stoic, betraying nothing about the contents inside. He closed the door again and looked up at her.

"Well?" Rory called anxiously from her position at the door.

"Well, what?"

"What do you mean, 'well, what'?"

"You never told me what to say regarding the contents."

"Oh my god, you're impossible!" Rory exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air to express her disdain. "Do I have to call my mom to come by or not?"

Jess considered his response and, deciding he didn't really know what _to_ say, opened the door of the mailbox again. He reached inside and pulled out five thick white envelopes, holding them up for Rory to see. He figured she'd rather call Lorelai with excitement instead of an anxiety attack. Jess had barely blinked before the blur that was Rory appeared in front of him, nearly knocking the wind out of him as she attached herself to his frame.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She exclaimed, grabbing his face. She planted a passionate kiss on him (it took significant concentration not to drop the envelopes), and he reciprocated as best he could before she squealed, broke contact, and whipped out her phone. She bounded off across the lawn, screaming into the phone at who he knew had to be her mother.

Jess smiled at her retreating form before looking down at the envelopes in his hand. Scanning the return addresses, he vaguely noticed a sinking feeling in his gut as he came to Harvard. He frowned and turned over the thick envelope, absently wondering what it would take for him to get into a school like that before shaking his head. Thinking about college was ludicrous, especially a school like Harvard. What did he have to offer besides a bad attitude, mediocre grades, and a record of petty offenses? It didn't matter that he was, as Rory had pointed out in the past, smarter than most people he knew.

It didn't reflect on paper, and that's what mattered. Ignoring the growing sense of loss he felt, knowing that Rory was one step closer to leaving, Jess sighed and replaced the envelopes back into the mailbox.

"Get your shit together," he warned himself, willing the dark thoughts that surfaced to disappear as he headed back inside to congratulate Rory.

* * *

 **Review :) xx**


	2. Chapter 2

Jess was really failing at the whole supportive boyfriend thing.

It wasn't that he wasn't thrilled for Rory, having gotten into every school she wanted, the excitement pulsing from her body like an electric current. It wasn't that he had minded slipping away from the house once Lorelai had arrived, insisting that this was a family affair and that he'd been content to make out with her passionately on the couch during the wait. And it wasn't even that today was Thursday and Rory had effectively been absent all week, having been whisked off here and there by her father and then grandparents to celebrate, outings which he'd conveniently (he wasn't bitter) not been invited to. No, it wasn't any of those things.

It was that as he watched her and Lorelai openly making pro/con lists in front of him, booklets spread out on the diner table they'd threatened Kirk over, he felt Rory getting farther and farther away. It didn't help that she periodically looked up at him, smiling in a way that was sweet and only for him. Every time she did, it felt like a taunting of what he wouldn't have ready access to soon enough.

He groaned at himself, wondering whether he should add 'Professional Pathetic' to his resume when he left Stars Hollow (if _you do_ , he checked himself). He looked down at the book in front of him and oh look, still stuck on page 47 like he was a half hour ago. Pathetic. And there was an obnoxious tapping sound somewhere in the diner that he couldn't find, and he was three seconds from exploding.

Jess suddenly felt eyes on him and he looked to his left, glaring at Luke.

"Can I help you?" He practically growled, looking back to his book.

"Nope, just wanted to know if you wanted to join the bet pool," Luke offered casually, resting his hands on his hips.

Jess blinked at his uncle. Looking at the serious look on Luke's face, he relented.

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"See, me and Bootsy," here Luke jutted his thumb back to the patron in the corner, who waved, "think the pencil will break first. Kirk thinks it's the counter."

Following the trajectory of Luke's eyes, Jess looked down to find that the annoying tapping noise was coming from _him_. The pencil he _would_ have been using for margin writing was gripped tightly in his fingers, the edge of the tip where it had been hitting the counter splintering.

Jess scowled and dropped the pencil, stretching out his fingers to crack them.

"Aw Jess," Lorelai whined from the corner. "We'd just about figured out which song you were tapping to."

Jess forced a smirk, crossing his arms leisurely over his chest. "And which song would that be?" (He didn't know, after all. He'd just been so hellbent on trying to ignore the damn noise.)

"Mom thinks it's 'Dragula,'" Rory commented, nodding at Lorelai. Then, with an air of confidence, " _I_ said it was 'Idoless.'"

Rory watched Jess's face as she explained further, letting Lorelai chime in as to why _she_ was right. He locked eyes with her, and Rory found herself feeling warm, like a blush was rising from the bottom of her toes. She couldn't place the kind of look Jess was giving her, but it was holding her in place, rooting her to that damn diner chair. She'd stay there forever if he kept looking at her like that. What was the word? What look was that?

"And I told her," Lorelai continued, having grabbed Luke into the conversation at this point. Rory remained transfixed on Jess as the conversation was carried on by her mom, trying hard to decipher the word that described the way Jess was watching her.

* * *

Suddenly, the look is attached to a poem. One that she'd read to him weeks ago, one that he'd decided wasn't actually the worst.

" _I don't know why you hate poetry so much," Rory commented, looking at him from the corner of her eye._

 _Jess's mouth twitched in the smallest of smiles; they'd had this conversation before, which usually resulted in Rory pouting and insisting he was too judgmental, too ambiguous. Had he even_ tried _to like poetry, she always wanted to know._

 _Jess reached out an arm, lightly brushing her side, and in turn, Rory's heart skipped a beat. She stole a glance at him, watching as he returned his arm underneath his head, the image of relaxation. He lay diagonal from her on the bridge, the sun from the first truly warm day of March illuminating his dark features._ _The Bell Jar_ _was face down on his chest, the choice a request of Rory's. He looked perfect, Rory thought._

" _It's beautiful," Rory persisted, regaining her composure. This earned her a groan and, she was certain, an eyeroll. Not to be discouraged, Rory continued on. "Don't give me that."_

" _Poetry is for people who're afraid of editing," Jess tossed over his shoulder, letting the words fall down over their comfortable companionship._

" _Coming from the Beat enthusiast," Rory scoffed, rolling her eyes. She propped herself up on her elbow to look at him better. "When did Kerouac ever edit_ any _thing?"_

 _As sure as she is that it's March, she's sure that this will get a reaction out of him. And she's right. Jess positioned himself upwards, leaning back on his palms. He gave her an intense look, one that she knew surfaced only when he held a great conviction._

" _Kerouac was a painter of words," he said seriously. "He went against the grain, against perfectionism that we expect out of writers. He was raw and unfiltered._ That _," he tapped the wood with his pointed finger for emphasis, "is real writing."_

 _Rory loved this side of Jess. He held such unwavering loyalty when it came to the writers he enjoyed._

" _I don't see how poetry is any different," Rory disagreed, frowning. "Poetry_ is _raw and unfiltered. It's the 'heart on your sleeve' of literature. Instead of rambling for pages on end about nothing, it's concise and packed with emotion."_

 _Jess rolled his eyes and shook his head. He lay back down and resumed his relaxed position, closing his eyes. Determined, Rory scooted over to Jess, her legs falling over his stomach. His initial jerk reaction at the added weight disappeared quickly, and Rory scooted even closer, her knees bent over him so as not to disturb the book on his chest._

" _Listen," Rory insisted, opening up her book again. Jess stole a glance at her from his left eye. She looked cute when she was determined to prove him wrong, he thought._

" _Come to me in my dreams, and then_

 _By day I shall be well again!_

 _For so the night will more than pay_

 _The hopeless longing of the day."_

 _Jess opened both of his eyes, adjusting slightly to be facing Rory a little better. He absently began to rub circles on her ankle, enjoying the sound of her voice._

" _Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,_

 _A messenger from radiant climes,_

 _And smile on thy new world, and be_

 _As kind to others as to me!_

 _Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,_

 _Come now, and let me dream it truth,_

 _And part my hair, and kiss my brow,_

 _And say, My love why sufferest thou?_

 _Come to me in my dreams, and then_

 _By day I shall be well again!_

 _For so the night will more than pay_

 _The hopeless longing of the day."_

 _Rory stopped reading, coming to the end of the poem, and looked down at Jess. The electricity that typically accompanied them wherever they went felt palpable. The look on his face was so pure, so sincere, that Rory wished she'd had a camera to take a picture of it. (Further, that she had any skill at photography to make it a photo worth looking at.)_

" _Well?" She asked, suddenly feeling transparent, like he was looking right through her._

" _It wasn't horrible," he conceded, his eyes locked on hers. Rory smiled, feeling triumphant._

" _Told you," she teased, poking his side playfully._

" _C'mere," he'd told her softly. Shivers had rippled up and down her spine, and she leaned in for a kiss._

* * *

Longing. _That_ was the word. Jess was looking at her longingly.

Lorelai made a fake whistling sound, waving her arms around. "Foul on the play, foul on the play!"

"What play?" Rory asked, snapping out of her memory-induced haze.

"You're using telepathy," she accused, pointing between the two teenagers. Luke looked amused. "You're telling him to pick your song when, clearly, I am the one who is right."

Rory rolled her eyes.

"You're impossible," she told Lorelai good naturedly.

"Impassable," Jess corrected absently. He looked up to find the Gilmores looking at him with amusement. Had he said that out loud? Jess coughed, averting his eyes. Rory offered him, appropriately, a Cheshire Cat grin. She looked so smitten with him that he almost wanted to blush. Almost.

"Did he just correct you with Alice in Wonderland?" Lorelai asked, clearly enjoying the way Jess squirmed. Jess scowled, moving to grab the coffee pot to make refill rounds.

"Embarrassed?" Luke asked, smirking.

"Shut up," Jess muttered.

"So, I'm officially starving," Lorelai complained, poking Rory to stop her from staring at Jess as he walked around.

"We just ate," Rory pointed out.

"False! We had donuts when we came in here," Lorelai explained. She lifted up Rory's wrist to show her her own watch.

"Oh my God! We've been sitting here making these lists for _three_ hours? How have we survived?" Rory commiserated, frowning. As if on cue, Luke came by and deposited two plates with burgers and fries on the table.

"Sleeping with you is the best," Lorelai grinned, winking at Luke. Rory scrunched up her nose as Luke blushed, rolling his eyes at the crazy lady in front of him. The two Gilmores returned to the pro/con lists, openly discussing how "Best Burger next to Luke's" needed at least honorable consideration in the decision making process.

"What's up with you?"

Jess tore his eyes away from Rory to look at Luke. The question had a double meaning.

"Nothing," Jess muttered, sneaking an involuntary glance in Rory's direction. Luke made a small noise of understanding and nodded, giving Jess a knowing look. Jess felt it again and narrowed his eyes.

"It's _nothing_ , Luke," he warned quietly. "I gotta go."

Luke shook his head, wiping his hands on a rag. Jess walked up to the table and kissed Rory on the cheek.

"Call you later?" He asked, grabbing his jacket. Rory looked confused.

"Group," he reminded her. She frowned but nodded; she'd forgotten it was Thursday. He offered her a small smile before calling to Luke that he was leaving. With that, he was out the door.

Rory stared at the door, thinking about Jess. Why had he looked at her like that? Longing felt like such an intimate, adult way to describe it and yet, there it was. Rory felt unsettled suddenly, as if there was something Jess understood that she didn't.

"Yoohoo, earth to Rory!" Lorelai called, waving her hand in front of her daughter's face. Rory jumped and looked back at her mom apologetically.

"Were you using telepathy to make plans to stare into each others eyes later and talk about boring dead authors?" Lorelai teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Rory rolled her eyes and stole a fry from Lorelai, chewing on it thoughtfully. Well, if she wanted to tease...

"No, just discussing how he better admit to tapping to 'Idoless,'" she offered with mock seriousness.

"Aha! I knew it! Corruption!" Lorelai harassed, banging her fist good naturedly on the table, earning a giggle and an eye roll from Rory.

* * *

 _The next morning_

"Luke's?"

"Mr. Danes?"

Luke adjusted the phone, cradling it in the crook of his neck. Luke checked the clock above him. 7:30 in the morning? Nobody but his suppliers called him this early, and they didn't call him Mr. Danes. Nobody called him Mr. Danes. Mr. Danes was his father; he was Luke.

"Speaking."

"It's Principal Merton. Jess's principal?"

Luke sighed, grabbing the phone with his hand, using his free one to lean against the counter. This couldn't be good.

"Oh, yes, hi. Um," Luke fumbled, uncomfortable with the phone call. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Mr. Danes. Look, I'd like to invite you into the office to discuss Jess's performance here at Stars Hollow High. Are you available tomorrow, say, around this time?"

Luke let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He shifted his weight to his other side, mentally going over his schedule. Cesar could run the place for an hour.

"Sure," Luke finally answered. "That-that sounds fine."

"Okay, great, I look forward to seeing you-"

"Hey, Mr. Merton was it? Can I just, can I ask… is Jess in some kind of trouble?"

"I'd prefer to speak to you in person, if that's all the same to you, Mr. Danes."

Luke sighed, running a frustrated hand down his face.

"Yeah, fine, okay. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow. Have a good day," and with that, the obnoxious dial tone that accompanied every ended call sounded in Luke's ear. He hung up the phone slowly, staring at nothing in particular.

What now? Jess had been doing well with group; he was even scheduled to end early, much to the chagrin of that evil overlord Principal Jeffries. His grades had transferred smoothly, hadn't they? Not that Luke really knew what kind of grades Jess had; the kid was smarter than anyone he knew (and in whose genes that fell, Luke couldn't say, since neither of Jess's parents were the brightest bulbs in the box as far as he was concerned), but he rarely applied himself. From what Liz had said and, granted, anything his little sister said should be taken with a grain of salt, Jess was suspended or in detention or skipping classes often enough that he _could_ be in trouble.

Luke sighed a deep sigh, mulling it over in his head whether he should tell Jess about the meeting or not. Maybe he should try to ask him about his grades tonight when he came home.

 _Yeah, because he'll gush all about it and then you can paint each others' nails and watch Clueless_ , Luke chastised himself, groaning.

He wouldn't tell Jess. He'd go alone and find out what was going on.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites.I know chapters aren't as long as Taming Hemingway, but if I don't take this at this pace, it won't ever come out. Please take some time to review. Reviews help motivate me and point me in the right direction. xo**


	3. Chapter 3

Olive green was slowly becoming the worst color in existence.

In fact, Luke didn't think he could even look at olives the same way again. In scanning the intermittent memories of encounters across his life with lawyers, principals, and accountants, it baffles him to recall that nearly all have sported this horrible green on their walls. And sitting here in Principal Merton's office, waiting to hear what misfortune had befallen Jess (and him, by proxy), all of his deepest discomfort around starchy professionals conjures up into a ball of anxiety lodged in his throat. The realization is unwelcome: never again would he be able to disassociate this pukey, olive green with his worst anxieties. In fact, Luke was pretty sure that if he cut Taylor open, his innards would be olive green. In fact, if he thought hard enough, he could probably recall a time that Taylor _wore_ an olive green sweater vest. Or Kirk.

Luke sighed and adjusted his hat for the seventh time, tapping his leg impatiently. He was definitely taking olives off the menu. He wondered if anyone would even notice.

He shook his head, thinking about how very like Lorelai his internal ranting was becoming.

Luke looked over his shoulder at the closed door, watching shadows move against it. The voices outside sounded remarkably like the adults in a Peanuts episode. _Wah wah wah wah wah_. Where the hell _was_ he? Luke almost felt like he was in trouble, too. He looked at the wall again.

God, would it kill them to pick a new color? _They probably all sign some oath,_ he considered gravely, frowning.

The sudden opening of the door caused Luke to jump up, grabbing his hat off his head in one swift motion. The man before him appears mildly startled, but recovers quickly with the raise of his eyebrows.

"Mr. Danes?"

"Luke, hi," Luke corrected him awkwardly, holding out a hand. "Principal Merton?"

Principal Merton's lips curved up slightly and he shook Luke's hand, gesturing for him to resume sitting. He walked over to his desk, a thin folder in his hand.

"So I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you to come in," Principal Merton asked, folding his hands over the desk as he took a seat.

Luke bit back a sarcastic response. Luke wasn't interested in rhetoricals. He'd spent fifteen minutes (but what felt like fifteen hours) going over every possible scenario in his head, all possibly worse than what Principal Merton had to say. He needed answers.

"Did he steal something?" Luke volleyed, leaning forward in his seat.

Principal Merton looked taken aback. "Pardon?"

"Jess," Luke reminded him. "Was it tennis balls this time? His mom told me he stole baseballs at one of his old schools."

"No, Jess hasn't stolen anything," the man replied, almost a question rather than a statement.

"Okay, did he get into another fight?" Luke pressed, waving his arm for emphasis. "Hit another kid? Hit a teacher? Hit another kid with a teacher? H—"

"Mr. Danes, _please_ ," Principal Merton protested, holding up his hands to silence Luke. Luke sighed, replacing his hat on his head.

"I don't think we're here for the same conversation," Principal Merton continued, shaking his head with a small smile. He opened up the folder on his desk, moving through some papers.

"Is that Jess's folder?" Luke asked, nodding to the blue folder underneath Principal Merton's hands. Luke always envisioned Jess's folder was thick and red, like his had been.

"Yes," Principal Merton answered, the raise of his eyebrows a clear indication that he didn't understand why Luke was asking.

"It's just, it's thin," Luke pointed out, folding his own hands over his lap to stop them from fidgeting.

"Judging from your outburst, I'm guessing you were expecting something held together by ropes?"

"Well, yeah," Luke admitted sheepishly, clearing his throat. "Kind of."

Principal Merton nodded, his lips twitching up in a smirk, and turned the folder around, pushing it toward Luke.

* * *

Where the hell _was_ he?

Jess maneuvered around the counter, passing out plates and refilling coffee with the ease that only comes from too much practice.

He was in a foul mood, and he wasn't sure why. He'd woken up feeling like he wanted to throat punch the world, and no amount of trying was clearing his head. It didn't help, of course, that he'd trudged down the stairs, expecting to grab coffee and slip out the door to Rory's, only to find Cesar struggling to fill orders.

Oh, how he missed the days when he didn't give a shit. Not that he'd ever blatantly ignored Luke's requests for help, but over the last few months, he'd begun to master evasive maneuvers to get himself out of serving duty. Ringing people out, answering delivery calls, refilling salt and pepper at the end of the day — these were all things Jess didn't mind. They involved less people and allowed for more time outside of the diner. Before coming to Stars Hollow and being roped into the circus that was the town, he never would have willingly helped out unprompted. He'd have continued on his merry way, sending a silent thought of half-assed sympathy toward the poor sucker in despair. And yet, here he was, helping Cesar because Luke was nowhere to be found.

Jess sighed, looking at the clock again, before heading behind the counter. He surveyed the diner, busy, waiting for Cesar to fulfill Kirk's order.

He didn't have a lot of time before school started now, which effectively obliterated his opportunity to see Rory. Even if Luke miraculously waltzed in, he'd be hard pressed for time. And he wouldn't care typically - being on time for school? Optional - but Rory was on his case more than usual lately, and the last thing he wanted was a fight. He frowned, wondering if somehow his body had known before him that this would happen, hence the foul mood. Jess wanted to throw himself off a cliff for how dependent his mood was on this small girl with bright blue eyes; he couldn't help it if he tried. And oh, he'd tried.

Kirk moved out of the corner of his eye and Jess turned his attention to him. Kirk sat expectantly on his stool, staring intently at the kitchen window. Jess raised an eyebrow; it was often that Jess felt Kirk wasn't really a human, but some sort of abnormally formed dog. It would explain a lot of his idiosyncrasies.

Cesar brought Kirk's plate to the window and with a quick transfer, Jess served Kirk his eggs.

He frowned as as Kirk responded by dumping the nearby container of pepper onto the table.

Jess watched for a moment against his better judgment, like a car wreck you can't help but stare at. It only provoked his mood more and he shook his head, determined not to touch that one. He moved off to the side, leaning against the back counter, enjoying the slow thrum of the diner and its occupants bickering to one another instead of him.

His mind drifted back to Rory and he recalled the conversation he'd had with Lorelai yesterday night, when the person of their affection was home studying.

 _"God, I can't believe I'm wishing she'd go to Yale," Lorelai groaned absently. Taken aback at her directly addressing him, Jess stayed, listening._

" _But she would be closer," Jess pointed out, his stomach flip-flopping. He scowled internally at his body's response to less distance between itself and Rory; he'd already decided it didn't matter because he didn't care where he stayed. He'd move closer to her if he had to, though he wouldn't dare breathe that to anyone else. Still, the prospect of being able to stay within some sort of simple driving distance to Luke was appealing - also something he kept to himself and would deny fervently if prompted._

" _She'll be closer, but she'll be following in the footsteps of my parents," Lorelai mumbled into her coffee. She held out her near-empty mug to him and he obliged her, pouring the aromatic brown liquid lavishly. She smiled in thanks._

" _Is that so bad?" he asked unassumingly, still not quite clear on the history between the woman in front of him and her parents. Rory had offered snippets here and there in light of her always being stolen away for the better part of Friday nights, but Jess wasn't a pryer. He figured he'd find out eventually._

" _Oh, you have no idea, kid," she said, sighing in defeat. "It'd be just one more thing looming over my head."_

" _I don't get it," he surmised after a moment of thought, and shrugged. It wasn't his business anyway._

 _Lorelai snorted and adopted a nasiley, posh voice that he knew was meant to imitate her mother. "Oh,_ Rory _got into every class she wanted,_ didn't _she Lorelai? How_ wonderful _that_ somebody _in the younger generation is doing something with her life."_

 _Jess frowned._

" _But wouldn't Rory doing well reflect on your parenting? Didn't you raise her on your own?"_

 _Lorelai looked up and smiled at him, patting his arm as if he'd just missed something entirely._

" _You'd think so, wouldn't you?" she chuckled._

A distinct, whispered muttering entered into Jess's subconscious and he surfaced from his reminiscing, looking around. He finally settled his gaze back on Kirk, who was depositing pepper from the pile into his open palm. Jess sighed and debated with himself, arguing that he shouldn't ask. Why ask? He didn't care, and nothing good would come from finding out.

Jess ran his hand through his hair, watching as Kirk worked methodically, continuing his muttering. Jess frowned, giving in to his curiosity.

"Kirk, the hell are you doing?"

"Counting. _Shh_!" Kirk reprimanded, going back to picking up grains of pepper carefully from the pile.

 _Counting?_

No. He wouldn't be sucked into this insanity. He didn't care, he didn't care, he didn't care. Jess repeated it over and over again in his head, looking yet again at the clock. He would leave in ten minutes, whether Luke made an appearance or not. There had to be a health hazard for spending too much time in the company of the townspeople, like how you can only be exposed to certain chemicals for so long before you should see a doctor.

Jess looked at the diner front door, willing somebody he could mildly stand to walk in. Admittedly, he was surprised that Rory hadn't come in to say hi. He almost always went to her house to walk her to the bus; it felt strange that she hadn't made it a point to come by and look for him.

Jess shook his head, moving his gaze from the door back to watch Kirk. He hated that she held this power over him. He hated that he waited expectantly for her to saunter in.

Jess sighed; it wasn't just about Rory. It was the concept of "waiting" that really dug its claws under his skin. He had spent a lot of time waiting for things and people to walk through the door as a kid—food, the utilities people to turn things off, Liz, her next flavor of the week. Because that led to nothing but disappointment (and an empty stomach), Jess had learned to stop waiting for people to rise to the occasion and to stop anticipating the presence of love.

Rory was simply the manifested symptom of a deeper problem. He didn't want to expect anyone, and what was more, he didn't want anyone to expect him. Sure, his relationship with Rory was a stark contrast to his convictions; it seemed his allegiance was more to the curve of her body against him, the smell of her hair, and the pitch of her laughter than to his own resolve.

A fleeting thought of how this is how it might always be entered Jess's mind. When she went off to her Ivy League university, if he stayed around here, he would always be in a perpetual state of anticipation, waiting for her, hoping she'd walk through the door. He realized begrudgingly that even if he lived in the same room with her, that would probably always be the case. Jess from a year ago would punch Jess right now's face in for being such a sap. Jess ran his hand down his face, groaning internally.

He loved her. That much was becoming more apparent every day. Not that he'd admit that to anyone else. He had little left to himself upon falling for this girl, but he had his pride. That was something he couldn't give up; it'd protected him this far.

And it was something he would have to deal with when it was in front of him, when she was ready to head off officially. He'd have to make a decision, really; to stay in Stars Hollow or to leave, explore a little?

At least then she would be waiting for him.

The more college came up in conversations, the more committed he was to ignoring it. It had never really crossed his mind that he was capable of college, and so he'd never really made the effort to put himself in position to get there. Jess knew he was smarter than most people around him; it wasn't arrogance, it was fact proven by longitudinal studies of everyone around him. Rory was the only person he'd met that rivaled him.

But intelligence didn't get you very far when you were a poor kid from New York with thick red folder and no extra curriculars. College made sense for people like Rory; not for people like him.

Cesar called for orders up, so Jess grabbed them, moving around the diner, dishing out the plates in his hands. He found himself almost happy to have the distraction from his thoughts, a stark contrast to how he'd felt this morning.

Jess returned back behind the counter to ring Babette out, noticing from the corner of his eye Kirk, who was still counting pepper. He handed Babette her change and scowled, coming back to Kirk.

 _Damn it_.

"Kirk, _why_ are you counting pepper?" Jess asked, exasperated.

"To know how much pepper I'm putting on my eggs," Kirk replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"But _why_ Kirk? Can't you just sprinkle it on like normal people and move about your day?"

"Mother only lets me have 43 grains of pepper. She says I might have an allergic reaction and die if not."

"It's too early for this," he muttered, regretting his decision to find out like he knew he would. The bell over the door jingled and Jess looked up expectantly, a feeling of relief and annoyance washing over him at the jovial expression on Luke's countenance.

"Where've _you_ been?" Jess barked, shoving past Luke as he entered the diner. Pushing the pencil and order pad into Luke's unsuspecting hands, he tore down the steps, making his great escape.

"Hey, wait a second!" Luke bellowed once his body caught up to the initial shock, and he pivoted quickly, jogging down the steps to catch up with Jess.

"No deal," Jess said flatly.

"In a hurry to get to school?" Luke asked, a lightness to his tone. Something about it made the hairs on the back of Jess's neck stand up and he turned to look at Luke, never slowing down.

"Why do you care? Don't you have a diner to run?" He quipped, eying Luke suspiciously.

"Well, I just got back from your principal's office, actually," Luke offered casually, stopping as the teenager in front of him slowed to a halt.

Principal's office? A quick succession of incidents flashed through Jess's mind, but none of them felt severe enough to warrant a visit. He knew by now what constituted trouble and what could be written off as a misdemeanor. Stumped but not willing to let Luke know it, he adopted a look of indifference before shrugging.

"Great story, but I gotta go."

"Jess," Luke insisted, getting annoyed. "What's your deal? Isn't it a little early in the morning for your latest mood swing?"

Jess glared.

"Isn't it a little early for your latest nag session? Sorry, but I think I'll raincheck that for another time when I'm not late for school because you don't know how to communicate when you won't be around."

Luke narrowed his eyes, frowning. Some dots connect in his head, recognizing where the frustration under Jess's comments is coming from.

"What, Rory not stop by?"

Jess paused, clenching his fists. Determined not to let Luke get the better of him he turned on his heel and trudged on, leaving Luke in his proverbial dust.

Luke scowled, watching as Jess rushed off ahead of him and crossed the field to Stars Hollow High. Punk.

He turned around, heading back to the diner. Jess had worked hard to wipe his face clean, but Luke had caught the confusion in his brows. Luke wondered if Jess knew what he knew. He scratched his head, deciding to bring it up later once the raging hormones had faded away.

* * *

Rory had spent much of her day in a funk, doodling absent squiggles in her notebooks and fighting to pay attention in class. She hated to admit it, but Jess was a large part of her mood.

He hadn't shown up this morning like he always did. She'd thought about going to the diner to see him instead, once she'd grown tired of waiting, but then Lorelai had lost her fight with the round hair brush and Rory had spent the latter half of her morning helping her mom untangle herself from its grips. There was no time to visit, let alone perform a drive-by coffee run, and she was admittedly grumbly.

 _Grumbly? That's not even a real disposition_ , she scolded herself, rolling her eyes.

She couldn't help getting caught up in reasons why Jess hadn't come. He'd felt distant from her the last few days, and she couldn't come up with any real reasons as to why. It scared her, the way that he could be so communicative with her one day and aloof another. It reminded her of the way he'd been when they first met so many months ago.

Rory smiled for the first time all morning, thinking about anger management and The Beginning, as Lorelai so affectionately referred to it. Rory would never have guessed they would be where they are now; in fact, if you'd tried to bet her, she would have taken it and lost. She was certain she'd hated the guy.

Okay, that wasn't true. Somewhere deep down she knew she was falling for him. Oh, but she'd _tried_ to hate him. It would have been easier than dealing with the chaos of her emotions and breaking Dean's heart. Somehow the absolutely infuriating nature of Jess was what had drawn her in, and nothing else had really mattered in the end; the chance of getting to be with him in a way that nobody else could, of hearing the margin notes before they were penned, of receiving the genuine smile that crept on his face in the rarest of moments — that desire and curiosity had won out over everything, including her own logic.

Rory smiled again to herself, recognizing thoroughly that she wouldn't change a thing, and would easily go through the confusion and heartbreak again if it got them to where they were now.

Rory turned her attention to the back of her notebook, where her private pro-con list of universities lived. She eyed her classmates suspiciously, confirming that all of them were actually engaged in the lesson (or something that wasn't her), and sighed in relief, thankful to be able to go over her thoughts without prying eyes and curious minds. Paris asked her every other day what she was leaning toward or against, and to say it was exhausting Rory was the understatement of the century.

Rory observed her list, noting that Yale was outnumbering Harvard by a landslide. The university of her dreams was quickly moving away from her. Rory knew Lorelai would dread it, as it was her grandfather's alma mater, but the more Rory researched, the more appealing it became. And she loved the campus, and what was more, she loved how close it was to home.

 _How close it is to Jess_ , she thinks. That was definitely an added bonus, though Rory was certain it didn't matter how far she went. Jess would make it work, _they_ would make it work.

Jess. He was the only person leaving her alone in the decision-making process. In many ways she was thankful for the space, cherishing her time with him to talk about non-huge transitory events.

But in other ways, she wished he verbally expressed more interest. She wouldn't necessarily change her choice based on him, but he was certainly a huge component to the process, and it stung that he didn't seem to care. But Rory knew better, and told herself as much; Jess definitely _cared_.

The longing look he'd given her yesterday had spoken volumes to her about that, and for the first time she'd considered that maybe it _hurt_ him to think about her leaving. It gave Rory some assurance in his feelings for her and helped to quell the upset that rose whenever she tried to include him in her process and he gave her a small smile, kissed her head, and bowed out of the conversation.

Rory frowned, thinking about the transition and what that meant for Jess. It wasn't just about her leaving; she wondered about him leaving, too. Whenever Rory tried to breach the conversation around college, Jess danced out of the conversation abruptly, with the grace of a pigeon hitting a window. He didn't care how obvious his skirting around the issue was, that was certain. When Jess didn't want to talk about something, he didn't want to talk about it. He was unmovable in that way, not unlike Lorelai, and like Lorelai, Rory had learned to drop it, looking for small ways to bring it back up in conversation.

It didn't matter to her whether he got a college degree or not. But Rory had the distinct inkling Jess wasn't proud of himself in tangible ways, and she wanted this for him. She wanted him to feel good about himself and like he was worth pursuing something more.

The bell rang overhead, dismissing Rory from her thoughts of Jess and her classroom. She snapped her notebook shut tightly and moved it to her backpack. Rory checked her phone once she was in the hallway, disappointed to see she didn't have a text from Jess.

Rory shouldered her backpack at her locker, closing it with a thud. She was decidedly still grumbly, real word or not. Seeing Paris walking toward her out of the corner of her eye, Rory turned quickly on her heel, speed walking to the doors. Once outside, Rory kept up her pace, beelining for the bus, when a grab at her shoulder spun her around.

The mildest panic that Paris had caught her subsided when she saw the smirk.

"Ghost chasing you?" Jess joked, breathing deeply. He would be more impressed if he wasn't mildly in shock at how fast she could walk when she applied herself. He filed this knowledge in the back of his head, certain it'd be necessary for some future screw-up of his.

"Something like that," Rory smiled. Jess turned his head as she frowned at something behind him, noticing Paris looking around.

"Let's talk on the bus," Rory offered with a rushed smile, tugging him along with her onto the bus back to Stars Hollow.

"So, wanna tell me what that's about?" He asked casually once they were seated and on the road.

"I didn't want to talk to Paris about college again," Rory sighed. She searched Jess's face for any emotion and found none there. He just looked indifferent, like always.

"Ah," Jess nodded knowingly, draping an arm across Rory's shoulders.

"So enough about Paris," Rory said dismissively, snuggling in closer to Jess. She fidgeted with her hands, debating whether to bring the morning up. The topic of college, as fresh as the former, also surfaces as an option.

"I'm happy you're here," she tried instead, testing that out. It earns her a kiss on the temple.

"Glad to hear it," he offered back, playing with a strand of her hair absently. He felt her fidget next to him, watching her pick at her cuticles.

"Something on your mind?" He ventured, raising his eyebrows down at her. Rory looked up at him, and he watched as a range of emotions crossed her face. Jess continued to stare, wondering what decision was being made beneath the surface.

"I was just wondering if you'd thought about college recently," Rory asked timidly, watching as a cloud came over Jess's eyes. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, suddenly becoming very interested in whatever was outside the window.

What was that, the eighth time Rory had brought up college in the last month? Jess tried to tame the surge of annoyance that rose in his chest. Rory held back a sigh of her own, exhausted by his avoidance.

There was a pregnant pause between them before Jess turned back to look at her, trying to adopt a look of indifference to hide his frustration.

"How many times are you going to bother me about that?" He asked flatly. A flash of anger shot across Rory's eyes.

"I didn't realize I was _bother_ ing you," she delivered coolly, moving away from the warmth of his side.

"I don't mean it like that, Rory," Jess warned, sighing.

"Then how did you mean it?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is it so bad that I take an interest in your life?"

Jess scoffed.

"Is something funny?" Rory snapped, narrowing her eyebrows.

"It's less of an interest in my life and more of a need to control it," he offered simply, raising an eyebrow at her. It only amplified her anger.

"I'm not trying to control your life," Rory defended, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. She watched as he tensed next to her, his mouth twitching into a frown.

 _Back off_ , her subconscious supplied forcefully. Noting his frown, she braced herself for his next comment.

"Could've fooled me," Jess remarked acidly, deepening his frown. "I get enough of it from Luke, Rory. Why can't you just drop it?"

Their eyes clashed in silent battle, a whole conversation going unspoken between them. Their mouths portrayed their tone of voice, etched in frowns, while their eyes communicated the questions, the comebacks.

Knowing this side step better than him, Rory swallowed her next remark. She hadn't expected him to lash out at her; she was used to his avoidance and tone of annoyance, but he usually just directed their conversations elsewhere. Rory knew she'd stuck some sort of nerve today, and she wasn't going to get anywhere with him. Maybe he didn't mean it how it'd come off. She sighed and tried to soften her tone, attempting to avoid the minefield lay before them.

"I just care," she offered quietly, looking down. "You never want to talk about it."

It registers somewhere in Jess's mind that she's trying to diffuse the situation, and he begins the practiced task of calming himself down. He felt the blood rushing, his heartbeat a drum in his ear. Something that Ms. Leon said the other day surfaced in the back of his mind.

" _Jess, I'm not going to sugar coat things for you," she said, pushing her reading glasses off the bridge of her nose and placing them on the top of her head._

" _You asked my opinion, so I'm giving it to you. You're going about this the wrong way."_

" _How do you figure?" He bit back, exasperated. "Shouldn't she just get the picture that I don't want to talk about it?"_

" _Have you explicitly told her that?" Raised eyebrows. "Have you told her_ why _you don't want to talk about it?"_

 _I don't even know why I don't want to talk about it, Jess thought bitterly._

" _I shouldn't have to. Isn't that all a part of this nonverbal group work crap?" Jess asked, waving his hand dismissively. "It's evident. She knows."_

" _You have two choices, Jess. You can either get pissed off and shut down whenever somebody says something you don't like, and expect them to read your mind - which, correct me if I'm wrong, but this method of communication is what got Rory removed from our group, is it not? Or, you can communicate clearly and calmly, and have the outcome you desire. Tell her what you need."_

 _Jess crossed his arms, tapping his foot restlessly._

Jess let out a slow breath, rubbing his eyes with his palms. He counted to three in his head.

"I need you to let me handle this."

Rory jumped, startled by his voice. They'd been sitting in silence for a few minutes now while he'd disappeared somewhere in his mind. Rory turned her attention to Jess and found a softer look outlining his face. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but at least the cloud had dissipated from them.

He reached out, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Rory bit her lip, wanting to protest but knowing it was a mute point. He rarely communicated direct needs with her, and she knew that deep down, this was a final decision.

Still, she couldn't go down without a fight.

"Forever?" She asked, leaning into his touch.

Jess searched Rory's eyes, finding them sad.

He hated that look, and he hated knowing that he put it there. But God, she was infuriating sometimes. Didn't she know how hard it was for him to think about it all?

 _No, because dreams come true in her fairy tale life_ , a voice nudged. He sighed internally, knowing that no matter what he said, she wouldn't really let this go. She'd never lived in a world where she didn't get what she wanted; acceptance to five major Ivy League colleges was a testament to that.

"I'll let you know if that changes," he offered, choosing his words carefully. Not a promise - he didn't make promises - but a glimmer of a possibility, something he knew he could afford to say. A small feeling of guilt sits in his gut as he watched her spirits brighten, her posture becoming more confident. There was no real shot in hell that he _would_ , but what was a little white lie to keep the peace?

 _And you know, never say never_ , his subconscious corrected him. _You never thought you'd care so much about somebody_.

Rory moved back over.

"So did you have as crappy a morning as I did?" Rory tried again, testing safer waters. "I hadn't realized how used to seeing you in the morning I was."

Jess felt something in his chest - joy? - at Rory's comment and he smiled.

 _Me either_.

But he didn't communicate this, because he never does when it comes to admitting his feelings, and he thought that he should get some points for opening up a crack just a few moments ago anyway. He opted to kiss her on the head instead, which she seemed to accept as an acknowledgement. And she did, for all the reasons he was thinking of, too.

"Kirk was counting pepper," Jess offered instead, smirking as Rory's face showed a deep confusion and intrigue.

"Tell me more."

* * *

 **Long time no update. I hope you like it moving along. We find out about the meeting next chapter. Please read & review, it makes me feel like I'm writing for a reason and gives me warm fuzzies. **

**If you follow _You Can't Protest Everything_ , another chapter went up. Would also love feedback there :)**

 **Thanks all. Appreciate you.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Some of you are too good at guessing. Let yourselves be surprised! :P**

* * *

"So, what do you think? Am I certifiable?"

Lorelai stared at her daughter, waiting for her interpretation of her dream. She noticed the faraway look in Rory's eyes and frowned. Lorelai craned her neck to see what had Rory's attention, certain that it was a certain messy-haired, smirking boy. Lorelai watched as Jess shot Rory a glance before he leaned in to take a couple's order, her suspicions confirmed.

"Rory?" She sang, waving her hand in front of Rory's face.

Rory startled out of her thoughts, looking over at her mom.

"Huh?"

"You're not listening," Lorelai pouted. "Did you hear anything I said?"

Rory offered an apologetic smile.

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"No, stare at your boyfriend," Lorelai mumbled petulantly, deflating.

"I want to hear about your dream," Rory pressed.

"No you don't. You just want to ogle Jess."

Jess, perking up upon hearing his name, smirked at Lorelai's comment.

"Mom."

"Y'anno, before you guys started playing tonsil hockey—"

"Gross," Rory interjected, scrunching up her face.

"—you were never distracted from my storytelling."

Rory offered her mom an exasperated look in response.

"Maybe if I scowled and deepened my voice and styled my hair just so," here she moved her hair in a bird's nest atop her head, imitating her best look of indifference.

"Mom, you're being ridiculous," Rory chided, giggling. "And you _look_ ridiculous."

"You think he's prettier than me, don't you?" Lorelai asked, holding her hand to her heart in feigned distress.

"Mom, that's not it. You're being dramatic," Rory pointed out with amusement, rolling her eyes.

"So you _don't_ think he's prettier than me?" Lorelai clarified.

"I don't think Jess would take to being called pretty."

"Jess," Lorelai called, grabbing his attention. "Rory thinks I'm prettier than you. Harsh, man."

Jess smirked as Rory flushed and smacked Lorelai's arm lightly.

"I didn't say that!"

Rory crossed her arms.

"Now I'm really not gonna listen to your dream."

Lorelai frowned.

"No! I'm sorry. Love me?"

"Why should I?"

"Because otherwise I'll have to talk to Luke about my dreams. And you know where that will lead?"

"Far away from me?" Rory teased.

"Mean!" Lorelai gasped. "It will lead me to dying alone. You'll single handedly ruin any chance I have of sharing a grave with another person."

"You're getting morbid."

"It's true! I'll drive Luke away and have no choice but to start talking to my wallpaper, my only companion the fraying duck on the wall lovingly but haphazardly named Rufus, all because my daughter stopped listening to me and didn't interpret my crazy dreams. Do you want that?"

"You could always share a grave with Grandma, you know."

"I don't even know you anymore," Lorelai accused.

"Luke is a saint," Rory sighed, offering Luke a solute in solidarity. He smirked at her from the register, handing a customer their change.

"I want a new Rory. I think you're defective."

"Hey!"

"You started it."

"... Truce?"

"Fine. Can I tell you about my dream now?"

"Go ahead," Rory conceded, smiling as Jess stopped by the table to refill their mugs. He lightly kissed the top of her head, causing Rory to blush at such a tender display of affection. Even Lorelai looked away with a small smile, allowing Rory the privacy of the moment.

As quickly as he'd come and stolen Rory's attention, he was gone, walking the coffee pot to other uncaffeinated consumers.

Lorelai regarded her daughter with a raised eyebrow.

"Not gonna blow kisses after him?" Lorelai mocked.

"Go ahead, I said," Rory insisted with a glare, willing the pink in her cheeks to recede.

As Lorelai began the reiteration of her dream about talking toasters, Rory couldn't help but to steal a glance over her shoulder. Jess was now leaning against the counter, elbows propping up the book in his hand. She smiled at his choice - The Rum Diary. He was reading it because she'd asked him to.

Rory wondered what had brought on Jess's sweet gesture. Sure, he'd given her kisses in public before. In fact, she'd become quite an expert at kissing and walking at the same time. But kisses on the top of her head were rare, ones on her forehead even less so. They'd been dating for a few months now, and she didn't even need a whole hand to count how many times Jess had done that.

Rory turned back to her mom only to find her staring at her.

"I'm listening," Rory promised. Regarding Lorelai's look of skepticism, Rory waved her hand dismissively. "Bill Nye, My Little Pony, talking kitchen appliances. Missing anything?"

"I think that summarizes it."

"So what do you think it means?"

"I don't know, that's why I asked you! God, it's like I don't even know you anymore. Have you been podded?"

"You're dreaming about My Little Pony and you think _I've_ been podded?"

"Oh my God! What if I _have_ been podded? Do you think that's what my dream means?"

"I think your dream means that it's just another day in the life of Lorelai Gilmore."

"Well, that's boring."

"That's my analysis, take it or leave it," Rory shrugged, taking a long sip of her coffee. She sighed contentedly.

"Fine."

They sat in a moment of silence, Lorelai drumming her fingers against her mug. Rory watched with amusement.

"How will I know if I've been podded?" She wondered.

"Quick!" Lorelai continued. "Ask me something only I would know the answer to!"

* * *

Luke snuck another glance at Jess, watching as he read and scribbled something in the book. It was late, the diner was closed, and the two were upstairs enjoying the quiet for a change. Luke tried to see what Jess was reading - something about rum? Well, that was just great - but he shrugged it off when he was unsuccessful. Smiling to himself, he went back to the dishes, depositing a clean mug into the dish rack.

Luke tried to place what this was like, this feeling of pride. Sure, he'd been proud of Rory. She was like his daughter, after all. But something was different about this. Maybe because Jess was his blood. Maybe because Jess, unlike the rest of the Danes or Mariano clans, had the opportunity to-

"Is there something wrong with your face?"

Luke startled at the sudden sound of Jess's voice, surprised. Realizing he'd been caught staring - he'd long ago learned to perfect the art of dish-washing while looking around - Luke attempted to brush it off, raising an eyebrow.

Jess closed his book in response and glared at his uncle, pointing an accusatory finger.

"Stop looking at me," Jess warned, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was grating his last nerve; Luke had been staring at him _all_ _week_. Jess knew that Luke _thought_ he was being inconspicuous, but in reality he had the stealth and grace of a pregnant cat trying to fit under a fence.

"I'm not looking at you," Luke scoffed, throwing a kitchen towel over his shoulder to resume his washing.

Jess frowned.

Luke's looks over the last week had created an uneasiness in him, the kind that comes with knowing that somebody knows something that you don't. It seemed as though no matter where Jess went or what he did, he could look up to see his uncle staring at him. And then, the other morning, Luke had not only let Jess sleep in, but had _waffles_ waiting for him on the kitchen table for when he woke up. It was getting downright creepy. Really, it was the odd sense that he had done something _right_ for a change that was driving Jess mad. Doing something right meant you had the opportunity to disappoint people.

Jess looked at Luke conspiratorially for a second.

 _Maybe he's been probed?_

"Like hell you're not."

"I'm _not_ looking at you," Luke insisted flatly, washing another dish as Jess maneuvered behind him to grab a soda from the fridge.

Jess took a sip before pointing the soda at Luke. "Bull."

"Wow, I hadn't seen your paranoia kick in since before you and Rory dated," Luke marveled with a shrug. "I missed it. Feels like a visit from an old friend."

Jess scowled and sighed deeply through his nose, running his hand through his hair. He returned back to the bed and picked up his book, determined to ignore his uncle and finish the damn chapter.

Luke looked at him with a contained amusement, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. Luke was certain he was witnessing a great internal struggle as he watched Jess fidget on the bed, his gaze steeled ahead at the pages. Luke wondered if this was the moment Jess would crack, allowing Luke to finally talk with him.

Luke tilted his head, carefully considering his next move. Jess was making a herculean effort to ignore him, but Jess had yet to turn the page of his book. Luke knew it was only a matter of time.

"So how's your book?" He tested.

At that, Jess stopped, glaring at Luke. He went back to his page and the sentence he had read eight times.

"Good?"

"Alright, fine," Jess declared, closing his book and moving quickly to stand in front of Luke before he lost his nerve. He grabbed his soda off the counter again to have something to grip.

Luke stared at him blankly.

"Well?" Jess asked impatiently.

"Well, what?"

"You've been trying to bait me all week," Jess accused.

"Have I?" Luke asked, feigning consideration. He rubbed his chin as though deep in thought.

Growing frustrated - _God,_ Luke knew how to grate somebody's patience - Jess slammed his soda on the kitchen table.

"You know what, I don't need to take this," Jess growled. This was a stupid idea. So what if Luke knew what he didn't? It would all come to light eventually. He turned on his heel, stopping at his bed to pick up his book again. He needed to get out of here.

Luke chuckled, drying his hands with the washcloth.

"Oh, unclench, will you?" Luke sighed, sitting down at the table, folding his hands against his chest.

Jess stopped, turning around to eye him warily.

"Sit down," Luke commanded, nodding at the chair.

Begrudgingly, Jess obliged. He mimicked Luke's position and leaned back in his chair, tapping his leg. When Luke did nothing but look at him quietly, Jess prompted him, his patience running thin.

"You're not absencing, are you?"

"I'm not having a seizure, but thanks for your concern."

"Anytime."

A beat.

"Luke," Jess warned.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Jess was taken aback at the softness in Luke's voice. He searched his face to find the catch, but found none. A soft smile played at Luke's lips, and Jess felt his stomach clench.

"About…?" Jess hedged.

Luke sighed, shaking his head.

"You know, I knew you were smart Jess," Luke said, shrugging. "But I mean, you've jumped schools so much, who can come back from that, you know?"

 _So I'm flunking?_

Jess regarded Luke. No way he was failing out; Luke was smiling. Unless he'd finally lost it?

"Okay…"

"Why wouldn't you say something?" Luke wanted to know. "I mean, it would've gotten me off your back."

Jess raised an eyebrow.

"I really don't follow."

"Don't be a smart ass."

"I'm not," Jess insisted.

"You really don't know?"

"Nope."

"Jess, do you even look at your tests? Or essays?"

Jess considered this. He couldn't recall the last time he'd stayed in class for the whole period. If he tried hard enough, he could maybe recall a teacher or two asking him to stay after class. Maybe. But certainly he'd never obliged them.

"Nope," he answered honestly.

"You're unbelievable!"

"It passes the time."

Luke shook his head and went over to the drawer on his side of the apartment. Jess followed him with his eyes, watching with curiosity as he pulled out a stack of papers.

Luke returned to the kitchen table, taking his seat. He slid the papers over to his nephew. Jess looked at him skeptically but Luke just nodded, waiting.

Jess didn't have to ask what they were. He recognized his writing immediately. He scanned the pages, noting comments here and there in red pen. He flipped to the last page of the first essay. _An A_? He flipped through more essays and tests, noting the lowest grade he'd gotten on anything in the pile spanning across subjects was an A-.

"Okay."

"That's all you have to say? 'Okay?" Luke rolled his eyes. "Jess, you're getting all As."

"Huh, so that's what that big letter is," Jess marveled, letting his mouth fall open for effect.

"Take this seriously, will you?"

"So I got some As. Big deal," Jess said dismissively, pushing the papers back across the kitchen table.

"It _is_ a big deal, Jess. Here you have me thinking that you're failing but you're getting almost perfect scores on everything!"

"If it's any consolation, I'm as surprised as you are. I didn't even know my English teacher could read compound sentences."

"Jess," Luke warned.

"I don't get the big deal, Luke. So I'm not failing."

Shaking his head, Luke went back to his drawer, bringing out a copy of Jess's records he'd gotten from Principal Merton's secretary. He plopped it in front of Jess, too, and sat back in his seat, watching again as Jess picked through the folder.

"What's this?" He mumbled, scanning the documents.

"It's your GPA."

"So?"

"It's your GPA from all of your schools, all of your records in the same place," Luke explained animatedly, leaning forward. "You notice anything on page one?"

Jess sighed, scanning the words. Luke was getting too excited over a bunch of As. Sure, Jess was surprised, himself. He knew he was smarter than most people, but he never felt like he'd really applied himself. Then again, when had he ever checked his scores? He couldn't remember ever caring enough.

Finally he landed on what he knew had his uncle all riled up. He paused, reading and rereading it. He looked up at Luke, who had a Cheshire Cat grin plastered on his face. Swallowing his surprise, he adopted a look of indifference.

"So?"

"So? _So_? Jess, you're second in your class."

"Well, what choice do I have? They say first is the worst, second is the best, you know."

"Jess, take this seriously.

"I should have gone for third. I hear there's treasure associated with that."

"You're in the running for Salutatorian, for Christ's sake, Jess. Principal Merton said there's another student tied with you right now, but that he's convinced if you keep it up, you'll secure it. "

Jess found himself grinding his teeth. Upon noticing, he stopped, looking up at Luke. He could now identify the looks Luke had been giving him, seeing the same one on his face now. It was pride. Luke was proud of him. Jess felt bile rising in his throat but swallowed it down.

"No thanks," he concluded, getting up from the chair. He took another swig of his soda, tossing the can into the garbage.

"Jess, come on. This is a great thing. And that's not all."

Jess spun around. _There's more?_ He pursed his lips, feeling the bile rising again.

"Oh, _goody_."

"Your English teacher wants to meet with you."

"Not interested."

"He thinks you should submit your essay to a friend of his at this university," Luke persisted, following Jess around the apartment as he flopped back onto his bed with his book. "He thinks you can use it as your admission appeal."

"Don't need one."

"But you missed the application deadline for a lot of schools, Jess. This could be your chance. Your English teacher thinks you could pub-"

"I'm not going to college, Luke. We've been over this."

"But that was before," Luke disagreed, grabbing the book out of Jess's hands ("Hey!").

"No, Luke."

"Jess-"

"I'm out of here," Jess declared, vaulting himself off of the mattress to shove past Luke.

"You can't waste this opportunity, Jess!" Luke exclaimed, raising his voice. "There's real potential here and you're gonna screw it up."

Of course he was. That's what he did. Screw up. Jess grabbed his his keys in one fluid motion, flinging the apartment door open.

"This conversation is over."

"Jess-"

Jess paused in the doorway, turning to add, "Don't tell anyone."

Luke stared after him, his mouth hanging open, as Jess slammed the door behind him. Luke shook his head, taking his hat off to run his hand through his hair. This hadn't really gone as he'd expected.

He knew that Jess wasn't one to show emotions (scratch that - _positive_ emotions), but Luke thought he'd be at least a _little_ happy about his accomplishments. After all, nobody in his family had gotten As, and they sure as hell had never gone to college. Jess wouldn't admit it, but Luke knew he was scared about being stuck on the brakes while Rory was in motion. And here Jess was, sitting on an amazing opportunity to change that, to put his foot on the gas, yet he hadn't seemed to give it an ounce of consideration.

Luke sighed again, looking around the apartment. He really didn't get this kid.

The cordless phone over on Luke's nightstand caught his eye. Luke eyed it furtively, frowning. He checked his watch; she was probably awake. After a healthy bout of hesitation, he sighed, picking up the phone to dial.

If he couldn't knock some sense into Jess, maybe she could.

* * *

Jess walked around outside, his eyes darting all over the place. His blood was pounding in his ears, his heart constricting painfully. He didn't know where he wanted to go; he just knew he needed to get away from Luke, away from proud looks and hopeful tones and words like "potential" and "opportunity."

He cursed himself for not thinking to grab his book. Jess patted his pockets, praying for a cigarette - never mind that he'd quit months ago - but found himself disappointed again.

Thinking quickly, he course corrected, heading in the direction of the Gilmore house. He looked at his watch; it was after 10. Not so late that Lorelai would crucify him for knocking, but late enough that chancing Rory's window was his better option.

He peered cautiously into Rory's room, making sure there was no changing action happening. Not that Jess minded, of course, but Rory would. She had yet to let him explore certain parts of her body, and he'd rather be in the room for that than a peeping tom.

Jess smiled as he saw his girlfriend curled up on her bed, book in hand. He watched as Rory stretched back, book in hand, laying against her headboard. He knocked gently on her window, causing her to startle.

She smiled warmly at him, causing the anxiety in his chest to slow down and move in a different erratic rhythm as she came over to the window. She got on her knees and pushed it open, propping her elbow against the windowpane.

"You know, we're dating now," she teased. "You don't have to sneak through my window anymore."

"I figured Lorelai would mind the hour," he shrugged, smirking. Rory looked over her shoulder at her alarm clock.

"Probably a good call," she agreed, smiling.

Jess shoved his hands in his pocket, leaning forward. Rory blushed slightly, realizing he wanted to come in, and moved over as Jess expertly hoisted himself up. She tried not to watch the way his muscles flexed in his arms, looking down. Rory stood up and quietly walked over to her bedroom door, opening it to peer into the hallway. The living room was dark, and she heard the soft sounds of Frank Sinatra drifting down the stairs. Making a mental note to mock Lorelai tomorrow for it, she closed her door again softly, turning around.

She was met with Jess's lips pressing against hers. She smiled into the kiss and pulled away, just as Jess went to deepen it. He pouted and she chuckled lightly.

"So, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Was just in the neighborhood," he shrugged, looking over at her books. Rory followed his line of vision.

"Jess. You live here. You're always in the neighborhood."

"I needed to get out of the house," Jess admitted, running his hand through his hair. "And forgot my book."

"You needed to get out of the house? At 10 o'clock at night?" Rory frowned, following Jess over to her bookshelf.

He groaned inwardly.

"It's nothing, Rory," he promised, scanning her collection. He reached his hand up to grab a title, flipping through it.

"But -"

"This is mine, you know," Jess cut her off, smirking. Rory watched as Jess placed The Street of a Thousand Blossoms back on her shelf, biting her lip. He was blatantly changing the subject.

"You let me borrow it," she argued, deciding to let it go for now.

"Borrow implies that it'll one day be returned," Jess reminded her good naturedly, smiling as she stuck her tongue out at him. Something about his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Rory held back a frown, watching him carefully.

"See anything you like?" She asked, sitting back on her bed.

Jess looked at her over his shoulder.

"Yep."

Rory felt a shiver run down her spine and blushed, breaking eye contact with Jess. He turned back to her shelf, smiling to himself. Even after all this time, Rory was still shy. He loved that about her.

He eyed a copy of The Old Man and the Sea, grabbing it. He held it up for Rory to see, earning an eye roll, and tucked it into his back pocket.

"Thanks for the book," he said, saluting her.

"You're leaving?" Rory asked, surprised, as she watched Jess cross the room and throw a leg over the windowsill. Usually she had to force him out. Caught off guard, Rory walked over to him.

"You have school tomorrow," he pointed out, pausing so that he was half in, half out of her bedroom.

"So do you," she countered.

Jess stared at Rory, scanning her face. It was tempting to stay here instead of heading out to the bridge, which he'd decided was his next destination. But he really needed time to breathe. Luke had dumped way too much information on him at once, and all Jess wanted to do was get out of his own head.

"I'll be okay," he said softly, reaching out to place a hand on Rory's hip. She moved in closer, giving him better access.

"Can I come?" She asked softly. Jess offered her a small smile, surprised at her boldness but not at all shocked that she had an idea of where he was going. Jess traced absent circles on the skin just above the band of her pants. He swung his leg back in so that he was sitting and facing her, nudging her gently with his knee to stand in between his legs.

"Your mom would worry."

"She already checked in for the night," Rory pressed, shaking her head softly. She placed her hand on Jess's cheek, her heart skipping a beat as Jess leaned into her touch, kissing her hand.

"No," he decided, shaking his head. Rory frowned.

"B-"

"Why don't I stay here and read with you until you fall asleep, and then I'll head back?" Jess offered, gently pushing against Rory's hips so she would back up. He knew he didn't have a choice. He stood up, moving to run his hand gently along her side.

Rory smiled, nodding.

He wanted to clear his head, didn't he? Jess swallowed as Rory turned around, his throat dry. It almost didn't make sense to him, coming to Rory. After all, who but she was the biggest offender in the Jess Can Do Anything fan club, membership of 2? If she found out, he'd never hear the end of it. He frowned; he could just see the poms-poms now.

 _But_ , a voice reasoned, _it's Rory. You_ like _Rory_.

 _Love_ , another voice chimed in.

Jess shook his head, walking over to join her. Rory patted the space next to her sheepishly as she opened her book back to the page she'd been on before he interrupted her. He pulled the book from his pocket before taking a seat, scooting to the pack of the headboard.

Jess watched her settle in from the corner of his eye.

Rory felt Jess watching her and met his gaze, smiling. Jess smiled softly in return, turning to open his book. He reached an arm behind Rory, pulling her into his side. He felt her snuggle into him and he pressed a warm kiss against her hair, breathing in flowers and vanilla.

Rory's eyes widened at another kiss on her head. There it was again!

"Hey Jess?" She asked from his chest, looking up.

"Hm?" He asked, moving to turn the page.

"Where did that come from? Not now, or maybe now, but the diner," she asked timidly, biting her lip.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"It's just," she explained hesitantly, lighting scratching the open page of her novel, "You don't usually kiss me. I mean, of course you kiss me, you kiss me a lot actually, but not on my head, which you did in the diner, and you did just now, which reminded me of the diner. So I was just wondering what brought it on?"

Jess smirked as she finished her ramble and avoided his eyes. He put down his book and nudged her with his shoulder. Rory looked up at him, shy again.

"'Cause I wanted to," he said simply, pressing a light kiss against her lips.

"Oh," Rory said softly, a small crease forming on her forehead. "But why?"

"Because…" Jess tried, blowing out an uncertain breath. Because... why?

She wasn't wrong. He rarely did that. But he couldn't really explain it in words. Not having quite reached great heights of communicating his feelings verbally, Jess opted to show how he felt. And whenever he caught Rory watching him with a certain look in her eye, or smiling in that special way she did only with him, he felt… steady. Loved. Safe.

All of these words lodged themselves in his throat, refusing to come out of his mouth. Jess sighed deeply, frustrated with his inability to tell her how he felt - not just about her, but about everything, especially his conversation with Luke. Rory noticed his change of demeanor and shook her head.

"Never mind," she back tracked, leaning into him again, focusing her eyes on her book. "It's stupid."

Jess frowned. It wasn't stupid. He just… wasn't ready. Desperate not to let her feel dumb for asking, he reached out, gently closing her book.

Rory looked up, confused, and noted the look in Jess's eyes. He looked pained, sad almost, with something else underneath that she couldn't really identify. He shifted them so that she was under him instead of against him, moving the books to the side. He stroked her hair gently, placing soft kisses up her jaw line.

Rory shuddered, her breath hitching. Jess smiled, sending the butterflies in her stomach into a frenzy, placing a kiss on her lips.

"I don't know," he admittedly gently.

When Rory started to protest, he cut her off with another kiss.

"When I come up with the words, you'll be the first to hear them," he promised softly. He hoped that was enough.

Rory nodded, pulling him further on top of her. Something told her that there was something troubling Jess, deeply troubling him. He didn't want to talk about it, or his change in behavior, but at least he was trying. He said he would tell her, and she believed him. It was enough for tonight.

Jess relaxed, lowering himself onto his elbows to hover over her. He watched as Rory shifted under him, stealing one last glance at him before reaching over to her lamp, pulling the chain to surround them in darkness.

Jess looked down at her, the light from the moon and stars outside her window catching in the brilliant cerulean of her eyes. He leaned in, capturing her lips.

He felt Rory spread her legs, giving him a better angle. Gently, he pressed his weight against her. Hearing a soft noise rise from the back of her throat, Jess deepened the kiss, losing himself in the wonder of her, the only thing on his mind the present moment, the uncertainties of the future forgotten.

* * *

Lorelai hummed softly to herself as she scooped a cup of coffee grains into the coffee maker. Closing the lid, she looked around the kitchen as the machine began to whir. It was late, or early, depending on who you asked. She hadn't been able to sleep. It seemed as though talking kitchen appliances was becoming her new recurring nightmare. Yesterday it was toasters, tonight it was blenders. Lorelai briefly wondered if there was a scarier living appliance than a blender.

And so, here she was, awake. Thus: coffee.

Her eyes landing on Rory's door, Lorelai considered her options. Be awake on her own or wake Rory up. Lorelai glanced at the clock; it was 3 am. Rory had school tomorrow, so she really _should_ let her sleep.

But she was bored!

Deciding that she would rather endure Rory's wrath than the incessant ticking of the clock, she crept over to her daughter's door and quietly opened it.

Lorelai nearly choked.

Who was - was that _Jess_?

Jess.

What was _Jess_ doing in her daughter's bed? At 3 AM?

Lorelai felt her blood pounding in her ears as she scanned the two teenagers. She tried to breathe, taking in the sight. Jess was shirtless but laying on top of the comforter, his arm draped over Rory. Rory was pressed against him and (from what Lorelai could see) was completely clothed. Lorelai prayed she was, anyway. The next thing that Lorelai noticed was the open window.

Instinctively, Lorelai sniffed the room. It didn't smell like sex, she decided, relaxing considerably. But then, the window was open. Lorelai didn't make it a habit to think of the sex lives of teenage boys, but she was pretty certain that Jess knew what he was doing. Only somebody experienced with breaking and entering and pillaging teenage girls would know to air out the place.

 _Relax, you don't know if anything happened_ , a voice warned. Lorelai sighed. No, she didn't, but something _had_ happened. You don't walk in to find a half naked boy on your daughter's bed when the only activities of the night were playing Scrabble.

 _You know, if Rory was older, "playing Scrabble" would be the perfect code phrase for sex_.

Lorelai groaned inwardly, putting her head in her hands. She closed the door quietly and began to pace in the kitchen.

She trusted Rory, right? Right.

She trusted Jess, right? Well. She didn't _love_ Jess, but she had grown to like him. Providing he kept his hands in the air, high high in the air, away from her kid.

Lorelai frowned. Trust or no trust, nobody had asked her permission if they could fall asleep in the same bed. And she knew that Jess sure as hell hasn't asked Luke.

At the sound of the coffee done, Lorelai grabbed a mug and poured herself a cup full. She looked hesitantly at Rory's door before heading upstairs to grab her phone.

She would deal with them tomorrow. There was no use in waking them up when she was sleep deprived and likely to fly off the handle. Besides, there was no scenario where she envisioned her and Jess having a rational conversation. She needed to talk to Rory alone first.

But she needed to text Luke to let him know Jess was okay (for now). Her fingers flew over the keyboard. Lorelai pressed send, sighed, and placed her mug on her nightstand before flopping back onto her bed, groaning loudly into the night air.

* * *

 **AN: Another chapter so soon, thanks to some motivation re: reviews. Your feedback is immeasurably important to me, and it makes me smile on my obnoxious commutes on the subway. This chapter was dialogue heavy; sorry. They tend to take a long time because I like getting in their heads, but I wanted to try a better balance.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi all. Thanks for your patience. Thank you to Siss7 for helping me think through some things to springboard this chapter. I'd been stuck on it since September. I hope you enjoy it. Please comment, remind me that this is worth working on :) I encourage you to read the last chapter over before launching into this one.**

* * *

She really _had_ wanted to talk to Rory alone first.

But somewhere between going upstairs and 6 am, Lorelai had decided she needed answers. She'd decided to force them, too, by stealthily retrieving certain apparel from Rory's room.

She knew it was a bit much, but it had been gnawing away at her! She hadn't been able to fall asleep with all of the scenarios swirling around in her head. Luke had called her around 5:30 am to thank her and see if she wanted him to drag Jess home by his ankles.

("Tempting," she'd smiled in spite of herself.

"I'm assuming you don't know _why_ Jess ended up at my house?" Lorelai has hedged, sighing into her dark room.

"He's an idiot," Luke had declared flippantly. Lorelai felt like there was more to this story but she'd let it go, promising to stop by later for coffee.)

And now, she couldn't let it go. She couldn't sleep. She groaned, heading downstairs to make some coffee, plotting how this might work out.

Lorelai began the familiar ritual of grabbing the coffee grinds and pouring them carefully into the filter. She lodged the filter back into its compartment and pressured the ON bottom to begin the process.

As the machine began to gently whir, Lorelai walked quietly over to Rory's room, pressing her ear to the door. Hearing movement, and a whispered male voice, she grabbed her phone, and fired off a text message.

* * *

Jess woke up slowly, peacefully. For once it didn't feel like he'd been tossing and turning all night. The feeling was wildly unfamiliar; how many nights had he been woken up because of broken beer bottles, yelling, or downright paranoia at the creeps staying in his mother's room? He'd trained himself to stir at even the smallest of noises; it was rare for him to experience a deep rest.

In the haze of no longer dreaming but not quite awake, he tried to think back to the last time he felt so at peace. Coming up empty handed in his memories, Jess curled deeper into himself, a soft smile playing at his lips.

Feeling the covers shift away from him, his eyes opened, alerted to the fact that he wasn't alone. His small smile became a rare grin at recalling that he'd slept beside Rory all night long. His reason behind the unfamiliar feeling of a restful night suddenly became clear; he stilled, watching the gentle rise and fall of her shoulders.

His heart constricted, and for once, he let himself just enjoy the fact that he loved her. After all, who knew what the future held? Who knew if he'd ever get to do this again? Jess wouldn't get his hopes up for a happy ever after with anyone, least of all Rory. Life had a way of pulling the rug from beneath his feet.

The smell of coffee curled beneath his nostrils and, just like that, the peace disappeared. Very aware that coffee in the kitchen meant Lorelai was awake, Jess cursed quietly, scanning the ground behind him for his shirt.

Moving gently off the bed to avoid disturbing Rory, he looked around the room. Foot of the bed? No. By the window? Nope. Where _was_ it?

Jess peered over at Rory's sleeping form, checking to see if his shirt was in her hands, and frowned when he saw that it wasn't. Jess noted the clock; 5:45 AM. Luke would be pissed.

Deciding he would just find it later, Jess moved to Rory's desk to grab his jacket, remembering he'd tossed it in that direction.

"Are you joking?" He whispered in disbelief, finding it gone, too. He jumped slightly when he felt a vibration against his butt. Reaching back to grab his phone, he almost choked on his own spit when he saw the text.

' _Kitchen. - Lorelai'_

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Jess wished he could bang his head against a wall. He cursed disarming blue eyes and the smells of lavender and vanilla. Taking a breath, he slipped quietly from the room, leaning against the door as it closed behind him.

Lorelai didn't acknowledge his presence; she simply moved around the kitchen, grabbing something out of the cupboard.

Jess surveyed the room, noting his shirt and jacket folded over a chair. He didn't notice any knives, hammers, or other common objects with which to murder your daughter's boyfriend. His eyes shifted back to Lorelai, watching as she pulled two mugs down from the shelf and walked with them to the coffee pot.

"You should put some clothes on," she said to the glass pitcher.

Jess nodded, slowly pushing himself off the door.

Lorelai turned to him with the two mugs, noticing with irritation how easily Jess slipped his shirt back on. (She also noted with irritation that she couldn't blame Rory for wanting to see what was underneath his clothes; they were teenagers, for one, and for two, Jess wasn't exactly scrawny. He had a muscular build that actually reminded her of Luke.)

She sat down, watching Jess watch her. She nodded at the chair across from her, sliding the mug toward him.

Jess, really unsure what to make of this, nodded back at her and took a seat. He adopted a look of indifference to match Lorelai's and sipped his coffee.

"So, sleep in any new beds lately?" Lorelai asked steadily, watching him over her mug.

"Well, you know. I have back issues; thought it couldn't hurt," Jess replied evenly, pushing his coffee away from him.

"Jess," Lorelai warned.

"Stolen any teenager's clothes lately?" Jess volleyed in return, leaning back in the chair.

A flash of annoyance crossed Lorelai's face.

"You don't get to be the smartass here, Jess."

Jess broke eye contact, picking at the handle of the coffee mug. No, he supposed he didn't get to. The last thing he needed was for Lorelai to be his enemy. They'd finally started to get into smoother waters, more for Rory's benefit than their own.

Lorelai watched Jess's jaw twitch.

"Sorry," he grumbled, choking down his pride.

"There are rules in this house. You know that," Lorelai continued. Jess looked back up at her.

"Nothing happened."

"No? Did you just decide you were hot?" Lorelai raised her eyebrows.

"I mean, I doubt you want the play by play," Jess retorted, leaning back again. "But believe me when I say what you think happened didn't happen."

"Why should I believe you?" She demanded.

"For one, I'd be in a much better mood," Jess shrugged. Lorelai narrowed her eyes.

"Two, you should know Rory wouldn't let anything like that happen," he said carefully. "Especially when you're right upstairs. She respects you too much."

Lorelai studied the boy sitting across from her. She searched his face for trails of lying, but found herself coming up short handed. He looked stoic, confident in what he was saying. Her anger dissipated a little.

"But you don't," she tried, tilting her head.

"Don't put words in my mouth, Lorelai," Jess warned. He crossed his arms over his chest. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here."

Lorelai considered this, sipping her coffee. From what she knew of Jess from Rory, this seemed to be true. He was an expert at disappearing acts; if he'd really wanted to, he could have run back to the diner. Sure, she forced his hand a bit with taking his clothes, but he didn't _have_ to come out to talk to her.

"Look, Jess. I want to believe you. But you have to understand how it looks when I find you half naked in my daughter's bed at three in the morning."

Memories of the night before surfaced. Jess felt the blood rushing into undesirable places and shifted in his seat.

Jess sighed. He _did_ understand Lorelai. It wasn't the first time he was on this side of the table of a girl's parent. It was easier to blame the boyfriend.

He'd just hoped to avoid this with Lorelai. He knew that she and Rory were close, and he was certain that Rory would talk to her mom about last night eventually. He just wasn't going to be the one to do it. He'd rather hang himself.

"Look. If it helps, I hadn't planned on falling asleep," Jess offered, lacing his fingers together on the table. "It just sort've… happened."

"And what _had_ you planned on?" Lorelai inquired, folding her arms against her chest.

Jess sighed again. He really _had_ just come by for a book. Sure, a kiss or two would have been an added bonus. But he'd only wanted something to read to clear his head of the noise inside.

Luke's news had really unsettled him in a new way. It had felt like his skin was crawling, and he couldn't wait to be out of his own body.

Now that he was being confronted with the catalyst for his time with Rory, Jess was feeling restless again.

Lorelai watched Jess dissolve before her eyes. It seemed too familiar, actually, the way he became a shadow of himself, disappearing into whatever thoughts were haunting him. She saw herself in him, she admitted to herself with pause. She reached out a hand before drawing it back to her side.

"Jess?" Lorelai's tone was softer, concerned.

Jess looked at her, unsure of how long he'd been lost in his thoughts.

"I just needed to get away," he said softly, honestly. Lorelai looked at him like she'd never really seen him before. Some semblance of a teenager seemed to materialize before her, and she felt sad for this boy who seemed so lost. Somehow Luke's lukewarm explanation for what had happened didn't add up.

He scowled, recognizing pity in her eyes.

"Can I go now?" He asked impatiently, reaching for his jacket.

Lorelai tried to fight it, but her motherly instinct got the better of her. This conversation was not at all going how she'd planned. She gripped Jess's arm, holding him in place.

"If you want to ta—"

"Spare me, Lorelai, would you?"

"Let me finish, damn it!"

Jess sighed and Lorelai dropped her hand, stuffing it uncomfortably in her pocket.

"If you want to talk about it, and don't want somebody to parent you or tell you what you should do, I'm here."

Jess felt his pulse beating in his ears. He knew what a crossroad looked like and knew he was at one. Somehow Lorelai had thrown him enough to be caught off guard by her question. He looked at her skeptically. She seemed genuine. But she was dating his nagging uncle. And was the mother of his pushy girlfriend.

How much could he truly trust that whatever he said to her wouldn't get back to Luke or Rory, prompting another series of unfortunate events?

Lorelai stared at Jess as he examined her. She watched his eyes try to suss out her motives, his distrust for adults running interference with his desire to unload the crap he was carrying inside.

 _God, it's like Freaky Friday in here,_ she thought, shaking her head and shifting. As much as she wanted to continue to deny it, this conversation had highlighted to her that she and Jess were woven from a similar thread.

"Sometimes I wish I'd had that," Lorelai offered as encouragement, shrugging, giving him a small smile.

Jess sighed and turned away from Lorelai.

"Sometimes I can't handle the levity of disappointment I see in Rory and Luke when I tell them to back off."

The response surprised both of them. Neither had expected Jess to actually open up, least of all the dark-haired boy with an attitude problem. But once it was out, Jess felt a weight lift. Grimly, he thought how smug Ms. Leon would be if he told her how much he'd been spilling his guts lately. It unnerved him, really.

Lorelai considered this but didn't say anything. Jess let out a breath and continued.

"I didn't grow up holding on to much or thinking I'd become much. But now there's Rory. And. Luke? It's just. Doing something right for once, the odds are stacked against me to fu—screw it up."

Lorelai bit her tongue, honoring what she'd said about not commenting. If Jess thought _he_ was surprised by his opening up, he had no idea how she was feeling.

"Potential is a crushing word, you know? Some people don't understand that what liberates some, imprisons others."

When Lorelai didn't say anything in response to him, the teenager sighed and began walking into the hallway. Might as well take the front door to avoid waking up Rory.

As he rounded the small hallway to the foyer, he felt Lorelai's presence behind him.

"Jess, can I offer something?"

"I thought you weren't gonna parent me," he warned, half-heartedly. He suddenly didn't feel like being flippant.

"I'm not. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'll keep it to myself."

Jess didn't move from where he stood. Lorelai took this as permission.

"The way that Luke and Rory love you will continue to hurt you if you think you're not worth the depth of it."

Jess turned around at the words "Rory" and "love" together and Lorelai shrugged. When she didn't offer more, Jess suddenly found himself wanting to prolong the conversation.

"My professor wants to submit my writing to a university as a late admissions essay," he heard himself say. "He thinks I could be published."

Jess frowned. "Don't look so shocked."

"I'm n—sorry," Lorelai apologized sheepishly. "It's just, that's amazing, Jess."

He gave her a murderous look and she raised her hands in defense.

"I'm not praising you, I swear! I'm just surprised you can, yanno, speak and write real sentences with lots of words. This is the most I've heard you speak in complete sentences."

Jess glowered at her before opening the front door. Lorelai smiled at him and held it open as he headed out.

As she started to close the door, she heard Jess say her name.

"Don't tell Rory?"

Lorelai pursed her lips.

"I won't tell Rory."

"O—"

Lorelai cut him off. "Or Luke."

Jess nodded, looking more relieved and relaxed than she'd seen him in a while.

Feeling both peaceful and disturbed about the way things had transpired, he headed off across the yard, surprisingly thankful to have had a confidante.

Lorelai watched him walk across the yard and frowned, leaning in the doorway. Lorelai's head was spinning; she felt almost proud of Jess.

She knew what it felt like not to feel like you could share important things with others. And, as a result, she also knew that Jess was going to run himself ragged trying to hide this big news.

Lorelai felt for the kid, she really did. And she felt for her daughter and her friend, who would no doubt be hurt by this.

Rory. Jess. Half naked in the bedroom. She'd almost forgotten about the aggravating conversation ahead of her with her hormonal teenage daughter. Who, even if Jess was to be believed, still welcomed a half naked boy into her bed at some point during the night. Or, had encouraged a fully clothed boy to shed some layers.

Lorelai groaned, closing the door.

She needed way more than a cup of coffee to deal with this.

* * *

Jess slipped quietly into the storage room, closing the door softly behind him. He quieted, listening for Luke in the diner. The soft whir of the coffee machine reached his ears, and the smell of coffee filled his nostrils.

Well, so much for sneaking back in.

Jess cursed himself for talking to Lorelai. Had he just gone out the damned window, he might have gotten back before Luke's alarm went off.

He sighed, took a deep breath, and exited the storage room.

Jess braced himself as he crept into the diner. He was surprised to find nobody there. Jess stepped further in and peered into the kitchen; still no Luke.

He looked at the clock; it was almost 6:30am now. It seemed strange that Luke would leave the coffee running without being in the kitchen, largely because he'd chewed Jess out for _hours_ the time he'd done so.

The weight of last night and his recent conversation with Lorelai pressed against him. Facing Luke now would only heighten his anxieties. After all, the guy wasn't stupid. He might not have been in front of Jess, but the percolating coffee informed him that of course Luke was awake _somewhere_ and therefore was _very aware_ that Jess had not come home last night.

Jess considered his options and, being wildly unaccustomed to good fortune, found himself feeling stunned. And, as such, decided to go with the flow of uncharacteristic happenings: he walked out the door to not only show up for homeroom, but show up _early_.

He figured Rory would be intercepting Lorelai anyway and wouldn't have time to chat.

A small smile graced his lips as he walked, remembering the warmth of her shallow breath against him, the smell of her hair as she nuzzled closer to him. He imagined that she would be fairly awkward around him the next time they saw each other.

His conversation with Lorelai tried to thwart his nostalgia, attempting to rob him of his mood. He frowned, agitated at himself. He felt the guilt creeping up and he sidestepped it, quelling it away with the logic that he hadn't lied to Lorelai.

They _didn't_ do what she thought they did; but of course something had transpired. You don't get shirtless or pantless without that.

But Jess cared too much about Rory to use sex as a distraction for his pain. With other girls, yes. But not her. She was different. Special. He hoped that deep down Lorelai knew that. That Rory knew that.

Jess hovered outside of the high school, surveying the land. Townsfolks were stirring and moving about their day. An old woman was walking her cat ( _"_ Freak."), and another man without shoes waved at her.

He watched with amusement as one of his classmates, Jessica, walked toward him, distracted by a book she was reading. He didn't know her very well, but she was in a few of his classes. Always had something to say about his lack of focus. Figures she would arrive early to homeroom.

She looked up briefly, noticing another presence beside herself, and her eyes widened to saucers.

Jess gave her a smirk and wiggled his fingers at her. For whatever reason, this seemed to extremely displease her and she gripped her book to her chest, stomping past him.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing, Mariano," she hissed, her tight ponytail whipping behind her.

"That makes both of us," he shrugged.

"You're so immature," she snapped.

"What's _your_ fucking deal?" Jess snapped back. Who was she to talk about him like she knew him?

She pointed a finger in his face, startling him.

"You're not going to suddenly pick up your attendance and take salutatorian away. It's mine."

She then ended the conversation by slamming the school doors behind her as she shoved past him.

The dots connected for Jess and he scowled. What was with everyone questioning his motives today? And how did she know about his GPA? Did everyone know? And what, Rory and Luke wanted him to go to school with girls like _her_? No thanks.

Jess sighed and ran a hand through his hair. If she knew, then others knew. And if they didn't, it was only a matter of time before the guidance counselors tried to corner him. He considered if they'd been trying; he really wouldn't know.

He blew out a frustrated breath and glanced over at the diner as he headed inside. A blur of colors flew into the diner. Jess froze, quinting.

No, it couldn't be, right?

Jess checked his phone. He looked at the diner again, but saw nobody moving within it. Had he imagined that?

Jess shook his head. No way she was here in Stars Hollow.

He gave one last furtive glance and walked into his high school, determined to avoid talking to everyone about everything related to his anatomy and his future.

* * *

Rory sighed contentedly at her locker, closing it gently in front of her. She smiled at nothing in particular; she was just in a great mood.

She'd woken up feeling extremely well rested, and had sighed in relief that Jess hadn't stayed. At first it hurt her feelings but then she was more overjoyed at not having to explain something to Lorelai.

Lorelai had given Rory a weird look, commenting that she looked like the princess who had slept on the pea. Rory had rolled her eyes and made a dismissive comment about what a good night's rest could do for a girl, but it had taken everything to contain a blush. Rory hadn't felt like broaching the subject of the previous night with her. It was still new, still special, and Rory wanted to keep it to herself for a while. Also, her mom was great, but even Lorelai wouldn't want to discuss Rory's sex life before 7am.

Rory turned away from her locker and headed down the hallway, letting her feet guide her throughout the familiar maze while her mind drifted off in nostalgia.

She hadn't heard from Jess yet today, other than a good morning text in response to her own. The other day, when she hadn't heard from him, it troubled her. Like, borderline meltdown over thinking she was losing him. Today, it didn't bother her in the slightest. It surprised her, actually; if Dean hadn't spoken to her after being sexual, she would have crumpled into a ball of anxiety. And honestly, with Jess being so much more important to her, Rory was shocked that it wasn't even worse. But something had shifted, and she felt a bit proud of herself. She actually felt closer to Jess than ever.

Of course, Rory hadn't forgotten Jess's evasiveness from the night before. He was hiding something from her; his eyes had betrayed him in a few ways, communicating a level of pain he wasn't willing to verbalize. But she wasn't letting that detail interfere with how she felt now. He had come to her room for a book, or so he said, but it seemed like he needed comfort. And she'd been willing to offer it, feeling like it was the right moment. She was growing up, she reasoned, and could hold the duality of that. Besides, thinking about last night had successfully distracted her from thinking about her future.

Rory continued onward until she was outside. She looked up and looked around; she didn't see Jess, but she could feel him. They seemed to share a different atmosphere than everyone else; she almost always knew when he in proximity, and he, she.

Finally seeing a flash of black hair several yards away with a swagger she recognized, Rory broke into a smile and speed walked over to him.

"Hey," Jess breathed, alarmed. Where had he been in his head? He hadn't even noticed Rory bounding up to him.

"Hey yourself," she smiled, shifting awkwardly.

Jess observed her, intrigued. At some point on his way here, he'd gone over a dozen scenarios in his head about the night before. They hadn't had sex, but they'd gotten pretty damn close; he wasn't sure if Rory would regret it. And he had absolutely expected her to be awkward around him, even hesitant, especially since she hadn't texted him a million times like she always did.

His bliss from this morning had spiraled downward throughout the day, coupled with Jessica's dirty glances all day and hopeful looks from his teacher. Thoughts about Rory regretting everything and him losing her to college and never touching her again had helicoptered throughout his subconscious. It had put him in a position to be negative and doubtful, something he had chastised himself about all goddamn day. Who was he turning into? Loving Rory would ruin him, he was certain. Because with her it was more than just physicality to him. It was intimacy, and he didn't know what to do if he never experienced it again.

Now, seeing her smiling in front of him, not keeping her distance, but rather shifting around like an excited puppy, he felt warmth wash over him.

He threw an arm around Rory and guided her toward her bus.

"How was your day?" He asked, drawing her closer to his side. He could practically feel her body thrumming next to him as she began running through her classes. It made him smile.

"Jess, I think you're getting a call," Rory said suddenly, cutting herself off. She poked him in the side. Jess frowned and pulled out his cell phone from his back pocket, not sure how he hadn't heard the vibrations.

Seeing his mother's name pop up felt like a suckerpunch. He hadn't spoken to her in months, and she'd stopped trying to call a few weeks after she'd kicked him out.

He silenced the call and shoved it back into his pocket.

It was just like the universe to try to take away his moment.

"Everything okay?" Rory asked tentatively, rubbing Jess's back with her free hand. His whole body had tensed up, his mood shifting rapidly.

"Peachy," he grumbled.

"So Paris really told your teacher his mother should have used protection?" Jess asked, shifting the conversation back to Rory.

She frowned but obliged him, launching back into her story. There was only one person that she could think of to warrant such a frigid response from her boyfriend. As they got to her bus and took a seat, Rory thought of a way to broach the subject.

"It was my mom."

Rory startled, surprised at how forthcoming Jess was being. She looked at him and he looked agitated; Rory could tell that Jess was trying to be unaffected, but it was in his whole body. She watched his hands, his fingers digging into each other as if he was flicking bad energy away.

"She hasn't tried to call in months, has she?" Rory asked. Jess shook his head, blowing out a long breath.

"Do you want to call her back?" She tried. She doubted it, but she wanted Jess to know that she was there for him. As expected, he shook his head.

"Maybe later," he offered half-heartedly. Rory knew he wouldn't call her back.

"Okay," she said simply, and tucked herself into his side.

Rory and Jess laughed together as they made their way to the diner.

"You hungry?" Jess asked, looking at her over his shoulder as he reached for the door.

"Stupid question," Rory giggled, waving her hand dismissively at him.

Jess smirked to himself, holding the door so that Rory could pass him.

"Hi baby!"

The whole world seemed to stop for a minute. A blonde woman who looked faintly familiar stood behind the diner counter in an apron, coffee in hand, her shirt a kaleidoscope of colors. She didn't know this woman but the woman was staring at her. Rory turned to Jess and almost took a step away from him, suddenly scared at the look on his face.

Rory looked back at the woman and realized no, she wasn't staring at Rory; she was staring at Jess. Luke came out from behind the upstairs curtain and froze. Rory looked from the woman to Luke and immediately recognized why she looked familiar.

Rory had never wondered where the expression "cut the tension with a knife" had come from. But she was certain it came from moments like this.

Panic surged up in Rory and she immediately reached for Jess, but he ripped himself away from her and tore out of the diner, slamming the door behind him.

"Jess!" Rory called, running out after him.

"Don't," he warned over his shoulder.

"Jess, please!"

"I said _don't_ , Rory," he growled, stopping to glare at her.

Rory stopped, shocked by his forcefulness, and watched him stalk away.

"Rory?"

Rory turned to her mother, who looked blurry behind Rory's tears. She rushed into Lorelai's arms.

"Rory, what happened? Did you guys fight?" Lorelai rubbed Rory's back soothingly, shooting daggers in Jess's direction as he got farther and farther away. Rory shook her head and pointed toward the diner, keeping her face buried into Lorelai's shoulder.

Lorelai looked up, confused. Luke was inside staring at the door next to who could only be Jess's mother. Lorelai cursed out loud.

 _Oh, Luke. You stupid, stupid man._

* * *

 **Review. xx**


End file.
